Discipline With Love and Grace

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Parenting is a challenging yet rewarding experience. As a father of three, I want my children to live righteously. I pray they flee temptation and avoid sin. Shielding my children from pain and disappointment is something I often try to do, and I’m sure you do too. What I have come to notice is that we are often our children’s biggest obstacle or biggest cheerleader when it comes to the gospel. Our children have to experience the pain and consequence of their sin. Every person who has ever lived has done the same. We want to shield them, but should we shield them from repentance? They need to understand the love and grace that Jesus demonstrated for them on the cross.

The power to save our children’s souls doesn’t come from us but rather through the saving work of Jesus Christ’s death on the cross, and resurrection from the dead three days later. To love my children as God intended, I must discipline them. I’m not saying abuse them, but graciously and lovingly discipline. Any form of abuse should be reported immediately to the authorities.

You might be saying, “But how? There are so many different methods and strategies; I don’t know where to begin.”

Gospel-Centered Discipline

A few years ago, I wrote a post titled “The Rod and the Rock.” In this post, I outlined a process of gospel-centered discipline that has helped my wife and me over the years. We haven’t been perfect at following it to a “t,” but as we discipline our children, we are walking them through the gospel.

The writer of Hebrews tells us to “fix our eyes on Jesus, the author, and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” He goes on to tell us that when we endure our hardships as discipline for our sins, God is treating us as sons and daughters. 

Saturation

The writer of Proverbs tells us that we should train a child to know how to live according to God’s commands. When they are no longer children, they will make their own choice to live justly. Believing these truths does not make parenting easy or guarantee your children will become believers in Christ. However, saturating your children in the gospel produces endurance in your faith in Christ as a parent.

Blast from the past

As I look back at my childhood, the discipline I received gave me an understanding of what discipline through love means. At the moment, as a child, I felt the punishment I received at the time was harsh and undeserving, even painful. I now know that my parents disciplined me because they loved me and wanted me to live righteously. I used to hate hearing my parents say, “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.” I never said this out loud because, but I often would think, “let’s change places then.” It was the wrong attitude to have, and now as a parent, I too want my children to share in God’s holiness because it is right for them.

What works for me might not work for you

What works for my family might not work for yours, but we are charged by God to discipline our children through grace and love. We are to be good stewards of what God has given us, and that includes our children. Our homes are our first mission field; God has called us to make disciples. The barbarian children that live in our homes are sponges that soak up what they see, hear, and touch. Saturate your home with the gospel so they too can be witnesses and God’s kingdom-makers.

Discipling the next generation

When the Lord told us to witness and make disciples over the whole world, he promised, ‘You will receive power after the Holy Spirit has come upon you.’ (Acts 1:8) Corrie Ten Boom describes it in this way, a little story of a bird. A woodpecker pecked the trunk of a tree as they do. At that very moment, lightning struck the tree and destroyed it, and the woodpecker flew away, saying, ‘I didn’t know that there was so much power in my beak.’ I ask you, do you have the Holy Spirit, or does the Holy Spirit have you? Don’t be a silly woodpecker. Know where you get your strength. It is only the Holy Spirit who can make a message good and fruitful. 

The source of our strength

Ask God to give you the strength to lead your family. I promise you He will deliver, but it’s costly. Husband-father, it begins with you. It’s challenging to lead someone-or anyone for that matter if you aren’t doing it yourself. You might be able to manage for a while, but eventually, things will fall apart. 

I’ve heard it said that when our vertical relationship is damaged or non-existent, then all of our horizontal relationships will become damaged as well. It isn’t until our vertical relationship (that is with God and Him alone) is restored that our horizontal relationships will then begin the restoration process. 

Prone to wander

If you struggle with praying, reading, and studying your Bible, you are not alone. Robert Robinson (1735-1790) wrote the lyrics to “Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing,” a hymn many of us know by heart. I’m sure he struggled as well because of this stanza; 

“Oh, to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be

Let that goodness like a fetter

Bind my wandering heart to Thee

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it

Prone to leave the God I love

Here’s my heart, oh, take and seal it

Seal it for Thy courts above

Here’s my heart, oh, take and seal it

Seal it for Thy courts above.”

Open hands and open Bible

We have to daily ask God for the strength and desire to choose Him above everything else. Like the woodpecker, we need to realize where we get our power. It comes from the Holy Spirit that hovered over the waters before creation and surrounded Jesus like a dove. We have access to the same power that rose Jesus from the grave. This power from the Holy Spirit will lead you and guide you as you train your children in righteousness.

As you work through the gospel-centered discipline with your children, you will notice a heart change. It will happen both with you and your children. Also, give yourself grace as you adjust to leading and discipling your children with gospel-centered intentionality.

More things to read

If you haven’t read my previous posts on parenting, please take a look at Air War and Ground War, and It Begins With You.