Failure to Listen = Failure to Lead pt. 1

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Are you a great listener?

I know when I first started out in a leadership role, I wasn’t a good listener. I was too interested in me and what I had to do and where I was headed to be fully engaged with others. We struggle with listening because we struggle with sin. Our hearts and minds always turn inward. We think of ourselves and turn everything we do into a “how can this benefit me” situation. God’s Word leads us another direction. We are always so anxious to speak and never really embrace the silence. The author of Proverbs tells us that even a fool can be considered wise if he stays silent. I, like many, still struggle with listening because I still am a sinner.  I believe there are stages of listening that everyone experiences and unfortunately most people never leave the first stage because of self-centeredness. This post will only focus on that first stage.

Stage 1- Egotistical Listening

Egotistical listening occurs when the person listening in a conversation is only interested and absorbed in selfish outcomes. Do any of these listening habits describe you?

• Jump-Start- While in conversation, this listener jumps to a conclusion before the other person finishes speaking.
• Interrupting- While in conversation, this listener interrupts the other person before they finish speaking.
• Self-Centered- While in conversation, this listener has already started thinking about what they want to say and how they want to respond.
• Pretender-  While in conversation, this listener is only pretending to listen to what the other person is saying. They become distracted by someone or something else.
• Selective- This listener only hears what they want to hear. They select what information they keep, good or bad.
• Head-Strong- At some point in the conversation, this listener has already made up their mind, yet continues to listen to the other speaker unwilling to change preconceived thought.

Personal Experience

Ultimately, these types of listening habits prevent us from paying attention to others. The other day while at work, a team member in my organization asked to speak to me about something. I had spoken to this person multiple times about this certain topic they wanted to discuss. As we met, I was listening to them tell me the same thing they have told me the other three times we met. I finally cut them off and gave my response, which was consistent with the other three responses I gave them days prior. This team member began to look upset. I realized the expression I saw on their face, frustration.  I immediately knew that I did something wrong. The team member was simply reminding me of the earlier conversations that we had. In this one conversation, I was the Jump-Start, Interrupting, Self-Centered, Pretender, and Selective listener.

I fell into the trap of egotistical listening. I was embarrassed. The reality is that all of us have listened in these ways before. It’s common, but as leaders in our families, churches, and organizations, we need to truly listen to those we lead. If we don’t know the full content of the questions people are asking us, how can we share directions in finding the answers needed to grow?

Pause and Listen

I mentioned in an earlier post, “It’s Not About You,” that, “As success builds so can your ego. Don’t let your success blind you into failure.” I find that statement to still be relevant in listening. Don’t let your ego prevent you from listening to others. In the book of Proverbs, the writer tells us that if a man answers before he hears that he will experience shame. As a leader, our primary job is to lead. If we don’t give those we lead time and attention when they are speaking to us, we will lose them. People want to feel like they matter and that they are important. When we rob them of those things, they become disengaged employees and soon leave. Learning how to listen to others better prepares leaders to lead their organization.

I challenge you to not let egotistical listening habits prevent you from being a leader that connects with people. You can win the hearts of the team when you listen with your ears and not your mouth.

Stay tuned for the next segment of Failure to Listen = Failure to Lead pt. 2

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