The Rod and the Rock

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I took my boys on a nature walk in the woods behind our house and they loved it. We talked about trees, staying on the trail, rocks, staying on the trail, animals, staying on the trail and everything else that runs through the minds of five and two-year-old boys. We found three walking sticks to help aid us on our hike. My oldest loves the story of God using Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, so when he found his walking stick he was excited because he now had his very own “Moses Staff.” When I say he loves the story, I mean he begs us to tell the story to him almost every night before he goes to bed. My youngest son was happy about the walking stick, but the rock that he found on the trail was his treasure.

As we were walking on the trail I was reminded of the story in which God told Moses to speak to a rock and it would produce water. Instead of speaking to the rock, Moses took his staff and hit the rock not once, but twice (Numbers 20). I look at this story and I can see myself. Moses reacted to the crowd instead of remaining obedient to God’s words. As the husband, father and priest to my family, God has called me to obey His words as I lead them. I far too often raise my voice in anger when the boys are disobedient. In those moments I am reacting to the circumstances in which I find myself instead of leading my children to them. Second, to marrying my wife, the best advice I was ever given was to never make a major decision during an emotionally low time. We are able to see things more clearly when we are emotionally grounded.

I believe there are a few things we can learn from Moses as it pertains to leadership within the home.

1. Intentionality: Are you proactive or reactive when it comes to spending time with your family? I am not perfect at this, but if you don’t put family time on your calendar it will fill up with other things that are not as important.
2. Understanding: Do you know what your spouse loves doing the most? Do you know what your children’s hobbies are? You can only lead your family toward the Gospel well if you know who they are and what they enjoy doing. (Put down the phone and have a real conversation with your spouse and children).
3. Forgiveness: Are you able to admit when you are wrong and ask your spouse and children to forgive you? This is one of the best ways to teach your children what forgiveness actually is.
4. Discipline: Is your discipline consistent or consistently different? The best method and response to disobedience I’ve heard of is what I’ll call “Gospel-Centered Discipline.”

Gospel-Centered Discipline (The Process)

• • Only ask once. Do not repeat yourself. Partial obedience is still disobedience. When you ask your child to do something, he or she needs to do it right away, all the way, and with a happy heart. You are after a heart change. This is what God is after in each of us. He wants our hearts to be in sync with His heart. It cannot be in tune with God’s heart if repentance is not practiced.
  • Ask your child if he or she knows what they did wrong. (M, what did daddy ask you to do?)
  • Ask your child what he or she did. (M, what did you do?)
  • The goal is to have your child admit their guilt or sin.
  • “M, because you _______; daddy is going to discipline you in this  _____ way. (Use whatever type of discipline you and your spouse have agreed to implement). Discipline is not given to create fear in your children, but to help create a healthy heart change.
  • He or she needs to ask forgiveness for breaking the rule that he or she broke and who they broke it against. Your child might need coaching in this by repeating after you. (M, say, “daddy, please forgive me for _______”).
  • Hug your child, tell him or her you love them. Hold them in your lap and pray with them.
  • Again, your child may need assistance and will need to repeat after you. “Jesus, please forgive me for disobeying daddy. Help me to obey daddy when he asks me to do something.”
  • Hug them again and tell them you love them.

This process is not easy, and at times inconvenient, but it clearly models the repentance that God asks of all mankind. As parents, we want to create habits as we raise the next generation for Christ. Being consistent is what is most important when rearing children. Inconsistency breeds confusion, and how will your children know what is right and wrong behavior if one day they get in trouble for something and a few days later there is no correction for the same act. Be consistent. We must create habits and become intentional with our families, understand the needs of each family member, teach repentance and forgiveness, and pray that God will change the hearts of our children with Gospel-Centered Discipline. We are charged with the responsibility to build character in our children and lead them to continue God’s mission of making disciples.